Reply to comments on previous post,
Ok Firstly, the comments left by 'anonyomous' im taking it as its the same 'anonymous' person to leave both comments, because i refuse to believe there could be more then one bonsai brained judgmentle fool that reads blogs for the sake of leaving comments for the sole purpose of attempting to upset the writer,
Anonymous said...
kit you are not the only one in the world suffering from this get over yourself and get some help
January 28, 2006 3:47 PM
Anonymous said...
you need to stop being the victim and do something about it if you can't live this way and you you don't believe in therapy or medication shut the fuck UP!
January 28, 2006 3:51 PM
ok firstly, i know full well i am not the only person living with ocd, i know full well i am not the only person to feel the serverity of ocd, mine is no more importent or less important then anyone else, i have never declared so, besides the fact this ISNT a compition! Secondly this is MY blog, MY space were i do and WILL continue to write about how I feel at that particulour time, that is what i write here for, i write here for MYSELF not you, 'get over your self'! excuse me i think you need to get over your own self importance before offering advice like that to others,
As for the second comment,
Then what utter crap
Victom!?! i dont see my self as a victom you ignorant fool, i have an ILLNESS! simple, yes i drown in self pity occasionaly, if youd done your research you might realise DEPRESSION runs along side ocd and bdd, you wake up hating the fuck outta yourself everyday yet trying to portrey normality to everyone around you, see how it makes you feel, now if i choose to use a bit of empty web space in which to do that i will, if i saw myself as a victom i woulda given up already,
and as for the meds and Therapy, Reread the blog, when did i once say i didnt BELIEVE in either?!
My reseaerch on therapy Gives nothing but good results, the waiting lists in the uk to get therapy are huge, the waiting lists in the uk for anything simeler are huge,
My deal with medication is my fear of becoming realient on it, that dosnt fix anything it only hides it awhile,
My deal with actualy getting help in the first place is the OCD! ffs, i personaly cannot 'talk' face to face about it, how on earth i would walk into a docters surgery and get help seems an impossible thought to me and i know full well i would have a panick attack before i even got to the surgery, alot of ocds live in avoidence of such tasks because they cause so much head stress, you realy wouldnt undertand that obviously, i want help! i just dont see a way around getting it at the moment!
but as i already said this IS my space, and i will continue to write as i do, if i have a bad day ill write about it, if you see that as 'self pity' or whatever, dont read my blog again, i dont ask you too,
Anonymous said...
kit you are not the only one in the world suffering from this get over yourself and get some help
January 28, 2006 3:47 PM
Anonymous said...
you need to stop being the victim and do something about it if you can't live this way and you you don't believe in therapy or medication shut the fuck UP!
January 28, 2006 3:51 PM
ok firstly, i know full well i am not the only person living with ocd, i know full well i am not the only person to feel the serverity of ocd, mine is no more importent or less important then anyone else, i have never declared so, besides the fact this ISNT a compition! Secondly this is MY blog, MY space were i do and WILL continue to write about how I feel at that particulour time, that is what i write here for, i write here for MYSELF not you, 'get over your self'! excuse me i think you need to get over your own self importance before offering advice like that to others,
As for the second comment,
Then what utter crap
Victom!?! i dont see my self as a victom you ignorant fool, i have an ILLNESS! simple, yes i drown in self pity occasionaly, if youd done your research you might realise DEPRESSION runs along side ocd and bdd, you wake up hating the fuck outta yourself everyday yet trying to portrey normality to everyone around you, see how it makes you feel, now if i choose to use a bit of empty web space in which to do that i will, if i saw myself as a victom i woulda given up already,
and as for the meds and Therapy, Reread the blog, when did i once say i didnt BELIEVE in either?!
My reseaerch on therapy Gives nothing but good results, the waiting lists in the uk to get therapy are huge, the waiting lists in the uk for anything simeler are huge,
My deal with medication is my fear of becoming realient on it, that dosnt fix anything it only hides it awhile,
My deal with actualy getting help in the first place is the OCD! ffs, i personaly cannot 'talk' face to face about it, how on earth i would walk into a docters surgery and get help seems an impossible thought to me and i know full well i would have a panick attack before i even got to the surgery, alot of ocds live in avoidence of such tasks because they cause so much head stress, you realy wouldnt undertand that obviously, i want help! i just dont see a way around getting it at the moment!
but as i already said this IS my space, and i will continue to write as i do, if i have a bad day ill write about it, if you see that as 'self pity' or whatever, dont read my blog again, i dont ask you too,
posted by Kit at 5:22 PM
37 Comments:
Well said Kit.
And I know its hard going to the doc. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done because I was sure she was going to confirm what I thought - that I did have OCD. And she did.
Hey Kit,
Allow me to echo Bernard - well said. Anonymous, if you're reading, e-mail me (mcreadienuggets@yahoo.co.uk): I'd like to talk to you :)
I think the issue of medication is a difficult one for many, many people, Kit. Are you anti-medication in general, or just specifically for emotional issues?
I completely understand what you mean about being scared of losing hope if the medication doesn't work. I was very concerned before therapy that this was my "last chance", and that if this didn't work, then I'd just have to resign myself to forever being ill with OCD.
The general line most people would go with in response to that fear is, I expect, that there are many, many different kinds of medication and that if one doesn't work, there is always the option to try another one.
That said, I suspect that your concern about medication not working and a subsequent loss of hope is in fact an aspect of your OCD (as, indeed, I think my "last chance" worries were) and - as a result - I don't think that any amount of reassurance in the world is going to help you in this instance...
Soooo... let's try a different tack :) You may indeed go on medication, find that it doesn't work, and feel depressed about that fact. On the other hand, you may go onto medication, find it makes a real difference, and feel better. You may go onto medication and also be referred to therapy that makes a difference.
The point I'm trying to make: your fear that it won't work may be well founded. But, on the other hand, your fear may be completely unfounded. The only way you can find out is by taking the risk, and seeing what happens. Taking that risk may be scary, but it may also be worth it to see if medication could make a difference.
In terms of masking the problem and not really solving it - the treatment of choice for severe OCD is medication combined with therapy, precisely because medication tends to cure the symptoms, but doesn't solve the underlying psychological issues. (If you're as geeky as I am, you might want to check out the NICE guidelines for OCD - NICE stands for National Institute for Clinical Excellence: you should be able to find 'em easily if you Google them).
My personal view is that there is a place for medication - but primarily as a way to make someone more receptive to the ideas put forward in therapy. Had I never gone on medication, my view is that I never would have been well enough to be able to put into practice what I learnt at therapy. But what has made the real difference to me in the long term is the therapy - not the medication.
In terms of your fears of getting hooked on the medication - let's say for sake of argument that you did become dependent on the medication to make you feel better. I'll be honest with you: if I stop taking my medication, I do feel worse. I get withdrawal symptoms: feel physically ill, and feel mentally dodgy as well. My medication makes me feel better.
Now, the way I see it, there are two ways of looking at that. On the one hand, you could say it's a bad thing - that I'm dependent on a small pill to keep me healthy. On the other hand: if you had to take a small pill each day in order to stay healthy, would you do it? I'll be honest with you - if I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life in order to keep OCD away, I'll do it happily. OCD makes my life so miserable that if all it takes to keep it at bay is a pill and continuing to practice what I learnt during therapy, that's a deal I'll take. It seems like a good one to me.
Don't get me wrong: I don't intend to push you (or, indeed, anyone else) into the pro-medication camp because, as I say, I think it's a personal issue and personal choice. The point I guess I'm trying to make is to say: is it worth taking the risk of taking medication in order to see whether it works and makes a difference?
I hate the vast majority of OCD sites, to be honest, Kit, so you're also not alone there :) I forgot to mention the only other one I find helpful - it's the website of the Centre for Anxiety Disorders and Trauma at the Maudsley Hospital in South London (http://psychology.iop.kcl.ac.uk/cadat/default.aspx).
I should declare a bias at this point - I was treated there :) If you can look past my bias, then I think you'll find a lot of useful, practical information there.
Bernard and I, and pretty much everyone else who's ever been to their GP with an anxiety disorder, understands your reluctance to go and visit your doc! I guess it's an issue again of whether it's worth taking the risk. I can't guarantee that your fears aren't founded. But I think it may be worth taking the risk and finding out, because the benefits may well outweigh the potential risks.
What if you went to the GP and found out you'd worried unnecessarily? What if the GP was sympathetic and listened, and helped you to help yourself? It could all go wrong, but it could all go right too.
There's some good advice on the Centre for Anxiety Disorders and Trauma website about how to go about getting treatment - and there's even a whole section just for GPs to which you could refer your doctor if you wanted to!
OCD Action have created a GP information card which is intended for OCDers who are nervous about going to their doctor - the idea is that you can print it, and hand it to your doctor. You can find it here: http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/ocdaction/documents/490.pdf
See, you're regretting having invited me to ramble on now, aren't you? :) Once again, hope something here helps.
Hang in there,
McReadie
PS. One of the reasons I'm not wild about many of the OCD sites is that I think they tend to focus on "contamination OCD" and underplay the importance of the many other types of OCD out there. I do have concerns about cleanliness, germs etc and always have, but when my OCD got really bad was when the really unpleasant intrusive thoughts started. From what you've written on your blog, it seems that the latter is also an issue for you. Even if many sites suggest otherwise, do not feel you are alone in experiencing unpleasant intrusive thoughts. I've had thoughts about harming children; concerns that I could be the type of person to go into my office and chop everyone up with a machete etc etc. The two sites I've mentioned are especially good, I think, because they mention this sort of OCD. What I'd say if it is indeed this kind of thoughts which primarily bother you is this: what person is most likely to have and be bothered by blasphemous thoughts? Answer: religious people. What type of person is therefore most likely to have and be bothered by violent, unpleasant, repulsive thoughts?
PPS. OK, now I'm really gonna shut up :)
Thankyou Bb I realy apriciate the support, it helps, alot.
And McReadie thankyou also, i find your rambles extreamly enoightning and helpful so nope aint regretting giving you free will to ramble! =P
I understand what you say, and i take it on board, dont think it falls on deaf ears, i realy apprieciate the advice, i would do prety much anything to even so much as reduce the effects of ocd, but thinkng about medication makes my stomach turn, in a fear kinda way, if you know what i mean,
I fear drugs of any kind, i only take painkillers in the most exream case when iv tried all eles,
Having my mind controlled is a fear, ocd had been with me for the majority of my life, its not me i know that it is just an unwanted add on as Bb refered to it, but i realy and truley dont know were 'I' end and the ocd starts,
i dont know if i make any sense,
But i will get to there, its a bettle im gonna win =)
Your also correct with the 'thoughts' and such, the contamination isssue's alot of ocd efectees suffer from arnt an issue for me, i have a 'thing' about clean hands, and food preperation, but nothing thats outta control or any worse then someone thats slightly excentric about such things, my deal is the thoughts, that bring on the compulsion patterns and whatevers, you know the run im sure =/ so many websites dont even mention anything other then the more better known effects,
ah well,
i will check out the links you gave me, and i will persevere with seeking medical adivce, thankyou for your support, i do realy apreiciate it,
=)
you brits are so fucking weird and really need to get over yourselves. GET HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WILL BE HARD BUT THAT IS LIFE AND IF YOU WANT IT THAT BAD YOU WILL GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AGREE WITH THE OTHER ANONYMOUS PERSON AND I TO SUFFER FROM OCD!!!!!!!!! EATS SHIT AND DIE YOU FUGLY BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous - I'm kind of confused by your reaction to this blog and, indeed, why you keep commenting and reading if it's only to offer abuse.
Your reaction would upset anyone, and you must know - especially if you're an OCD sufferer yourself - that your hurtful remarks are going to be especially painful to someone suffering with intrusive thoughts.
It is of course your right to comment here, but I hope you may choose not to exercise your right so as to avoid causing further upset. Frankly, your comments bother me, and I'm not even the person to whom they're directed.
If you wish to respond to me, do so at my personal e-mail address - I don't think there's any reason to continue the discussion here.
Oh, and for the record - BB is from New Zealand, and I'm of dual French and British nationality, so it's not just Brits who find your response peculiar.
Kit - I'd recommend you turn on comment moderation so that you can filter out unwanted comments before they appear here :)
Oh, and Kit - meant to say - understand completely your reaction to medication, and I don't think it's unusual to have these concerns.
Can I ask why you fear medication in general? You mention you don't, for example, feel comfortable about taking painkillers. Can I ask why that is?
Hey Kit,
Firstly, let me apologise: I'm writing more on your blog than you are :)
Here's the thing, though: I just read back through all your entries, and something struck me, specifically in relation to the medication issue.
During therapy, a question I was asked very often is: what's the worst that could happen?
It's a good question! It's one I like to ask myself quite often, in all kinds of situations.
For me, the worst that could happen if I didn't listen to an intrusive thought and act on it was that I would lose control. I believed I would become completely uncontrollable, go and hurt people, and be locked up for life.
Now thinking this through, and coming to this realisation was upsetting for me, and something I was only able to do with my therapists on hand!
But I wonder whether it might sometimes be worth asking yourself the question: what's the worst that could happen? What are you scared of? Let's say you don't do what your intrusive thoughts are telling you: what are you scared of?
From what you've written, it seems to me that your worst case scenario might be similar to mine: a fear of losing control. And so I can't help but wonder if your concerns about medication relate to a similar concern. Is your worry that, if you took medication, you would no longer have any control over yourself, because medication would instead be controlling you? Is your belief that something dreadful would happen if the control of your mind was taken out of your hands and into the control of medication?
Cheers,
McReadie
'Anon'
ya know all i can do is 'sigh' when i think about what to reply to that comment, for your informarion though 'us brits' arnt the same person, so to class a whole race as ''wierd'' and in need of ''getting over ourselfs'' is more ignorant on your behalf then i could ever of given you credit for,
In america the culture is different to the uk, not better or worse, but seeing a cousiler or therapist in the usa is accepted as a part of everday society, in the uk its still a taboo subject, mentle health is a taboo subject, thats not wierd its just how it is, i was certanly not borught up to think if i have issues i can seek therapy, it just isnt an issue here, americans are different, is all,
If you have ocd 'Anon' then you should understand the struggle it is to ask for that help, i dont think you understand at all, and you either class your self as having ocd because you have ocd 'traits' in which case you no nothing of what ocd can mean to a persons life, or you caught your ocd quickly and understood it imiediatly and sought help just as fast, in that case good on you, im glad for you, if you sought help and have your ocd under control good on you, but still in that case less you have nothing helpful to say, dont say nothing at all, you quite obviosuly dont understand wether you have ocd or not,
and for the case of comments like
''eats shit and die you fugly bitch'
i could let that upset me, but i wont, they negativity i dont need, your opinion i stopped caring about with the first sense of negativity in your comment, you did read were i said about my being effected by BDD aswell as ocd right? in that case you would know that what ever nasty comments you can through at me will never come anywere close to what i think about myself each day anyway, and before you try and use that against me you cant, your sole purpose in commenting my words seems to be in attempting to hurt me, give up, you cant and wont, i have to care about an opinion to let it bother me, yours is a rare one i dont give a damn about.
Mcreadie again thankyou,
You are very close, i fear losing control of my mind yes, i fear replacing the mind controll of ocd with the mind control of drugs, a majer thing for me is finding out who i am, without ocd control or drug control, i have lived in the shadows of this thing since i was 9 even before that i was an anxious and worrying child, but i am a classic case of 'life trauma whatever' setting the ocd off, my life changed in every way i knew it to be when i was 9, it fell apart, i guese i couldnt handle it, didnt get any suport from anyone, and the ocd kicked in, a way to handle what was happening i dont know,
My worst case scenario i cant even say right now, because if i say it then it might happen you know!, but its not realy about losing control its more about things happeing, and even saying that is setting off my worry dile! so i better stop,
as for the meds,i dont think its so much just to do with 'meds' i think its drugs in general, they over the years have had a huge effect on my life, causing the inncident when i was nine, being a big part of what i knew before then and after, iv never been inclined to take drugs recreationaly and always held a grudge when having to take antibiotics or whatever for illness, i know i still hold a resentment to my childhood, and definetly to the way drugs featured in my life, maybe thats why i have hang ups against them now, i just know thinking about them makes my stomach churn in fear.
Hi kit,
My name is keshav and i am from india.I am also suffering from ocd and it has created lot of problems for me at first i did not know what it is but later i find out this disease.What is worrying me that how i will be able to handle my buisness with this monster pls advice how you have managed to work along with this disease
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