Been reading up on some of the ocd sites that are out there, and they so annoy me, (havent checked up on the link Mcreadie gave me yet but i will after iv ranted! heh) alot of them are just so black and white, and from what im learning i dont think there is anything black and white about this, they are so blatently written by someone that has never been affected by ocd,
I dont feel there is a single person uneffected that could realy and truley understand this, another reason going to the docters about this is so hard, they can read all the books they like, read all the research reports, but i still feel as though they'd just look at me as though i were insane, i know i know thats probley not true, but dosnt make it any easier,

My ocd is made up of both compulsions and obsessions, thoughts of bad things happening, compulsions telling me if i follow them it will prevent the bad things happening, but not just that, its everything, if something dosnt 'feel' right i have to make it feel right, if im walking and i tread on something or theres something in my path, i have to back up and rewalk, over and over til its 'right' i have thoughts i repeat in my head over and over again, to attempt to block the spontanious bad thoughts, the bad thoughts are so compleatly all consuming and distressing, there constant, i cant say or even type certain words, even if i hear certain words, i have to make amends for it, be it by compulsions or repeating in my head, to look at certain colours have attachments to 'bad things' so they cause distress, using certain colours is near impossible,
Watching movies with *bad things* in movies (which i also cant mention!) is a no no, worrying ALL the time, that somethings gonna happen, not to me to people i care about, that if they go out this might happen or that might happen, if i cant get hold of them when i try to my head flips into outta space!, i 'know' its compleatly irrational, dosnt make it any the less stressful =/
objects, things, and even appliencies which i cant even 'say' or type mess with my head, everything mess's with my sodding head it seems!!!!! =/

but i kinda need to quit this now! bah sodding head!