more ranting!
Stressfull week.. whats new! and when isnt it stressful!!...
But realy had family dilemas as usual caused by my violent layabout brother last weekend.. ended up arguing with my mum and came withen inches inches of telling her about my ocd.. but didnt..
See my ocd stems down to something that happend when i was nine.. which ultimetly stems down to choices my mum had made.. well no i should correct that my ocd was triggerd when i was nine.. but how do you tell your mum that?!..
'oh yeah mum btw im screwed up in the head big time.. have been hiding it from you for years''
besides she MUST know somethings up in there iv caught 'looks' from her.. yet shes never asked.. so i figure she has enough stress in her life.. as i mentioned my brother is an idiot hes 24 gets drunk all the time and spunges off mum.. maybe she wants to believe at least one of her childeren turned out well adjusted..
anway its been a busy week at work but still i feel myself been ever concious of the ocd and feeling totaly aware of making sure i dont set off in front of people..
i walked into toen a couple of times this week both times i felt the burning start.. the heart beat racing.. short of breath like id ran up 50 stairs.. i manage to halt full on panick attacks by focassing on something... anything even if its letting the ocd take over in my head i let it.. it stops the panick attacks flying out of all control, see i have out ward compulsions and repetitive thoughts...
Im not currently registered with a docter i havent been since i was a child.. see thats how much i do NOT do docters and medications and such.. but i looked at the docters close by that i wanted t go to.. that i think i would fele comfortable with because its just around the corner but there not taking any new patients.. so i have to look elsewere.. of course my head is telling mw that this is fate and i shouldnt go to the docters.. but there is a medical center about 20/30 ins walk away when i summon up more currage i will call them and see if there accepting new patients.
But realy had family dilemas as usual caused by my violent layabout brother last weekend.. ended up arguing with my mum and came withen inches inches of telling her about my ocd.. but didnt..
See my ocd stems down to something that happend when i was nine.. which ultimetly stems down to choices my mum had made.. well no i should correct that my ocd was triggerd when i was nine.. but how do you tell your mum that?!..
'oh yeah mum btw im screwed up in the head big time.. have been hiding it from you for years''
besides she MUST know somethings up in there iv caught 'looks' from her.. yet shes never asked.. so i figure she has enough stress in her life.. as i mentioned my brother is an idiot hes 24 gets drunk all the time and spunges off mum.. maybe she wants to believe at least one of her childeren turned out well adjusted..
anway its been a busy week at work but still i feel myself been ever concious of the ocd and feeling totaly aware of making sure i dont set off in front of people..
i walked into toen a couple of times this week both times i felt the burning start.. the heart beat racing.. short of breath like id ran up 50 stairs.. i manage to halt full on panick attacks by focassing on something... anything even if its letting the ocd take over in my head i let it.. it stops the panick attacks flying out of all control, see i have out ward compulsions and repetitive thoughts...
Im not currently registered with a docter i havent been since i was a child.. see thats how much i do NOT do docters and medications and such.. but i looked at the docters close by that i wanted t go to.. that i think i would fele comfortable with because its just around the corner but there not taking any new patients.. so i have to look elsewere.. of course my head is telling mw that this is fate and i shouldnt go to the docters.. but there is a medical center about 20/30 ins walk away when i summon up more currage i will call them and see if there accepting new patients.
posted by .. at 10:00 PM
1 Comments:
Heya Kit...just thought I'd pop by and see how you were doing - know you find it difficult to post stuff elsewhere so wanted to leave you my email address (matt.drew@virgin.net) and my messenger address (mattjdrew@hotmail.com). Just wanted to say that if you ever want a chat or a rant about your OCD, feel free to. Also...would you mind if I added your blog to my OCD links page? Like you say, the more people that are aware of how our disability the better...is ok if not, though. Just drop me an email if it's ok.
Other than that, take care.
Matty
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