Pasting this in here because it holds relevence to me.. and maybe others too..
Anonymous said...
I am on the opposite end of your conundrum. My boyfriend has OCD, he is very good about covering it up, but some things really bother him. See he is bothered by germs too, most specifically germs from his family. He won't get into too much detail, but he can't touch any of them, and therefor, neither can I. I don't know what to do sometimes, sometimes I want to just tell him to get over it, I don't want to enable him...but instead, I just let him lysol me down just as he would himself. I love him so much and I really want him to get better. Sometimes he says I deserve better and he should just live alone. Do you know how much that hurts? I wish he would explain things to me...like what exactly he thinks is going to happen if those germs get on him, or where it started from...but he won't. The other day he actually said it was because he didn't fully trust me...he thought I would tell someone. That bothers me a lot. I just want to try to understand...and moreover, make sure I don't do anything that is going to make his OCD worse.
September 01, 2006 7:59 PM
Kit said...
hi Anon i felt so utterly compelled to reply to your comment.. You being the person on the other end of the stick the one that loves an Ocd'er.. Believe me I know how hare that must be.. i know how difficult i am to live with and i know what my biyfriend puts up with to be with me..Its taken me a long time to be as honest as i have with Danny about my ocd and we have been together for 5 years now.. he didnt fully understand until i lost my nanna and the grief on top of ocd sent me to another planet! i couldnt hide my ocd from him any longer and he saw to the full outward extent what it does to me.. hes tries so hard to understand but he cant realy because i as in the case with you and your boyfriend i CANT tell him.. you see the outter effects of ocd the compulsions but on the other side of that are the thoughts that surround them.. everyones different and everyone is effected differently.. but it sounds to me like your boyfriend cant tell you what makes him NEED to stay clear of germs because telling someone could in its self cause him more stress and send his anxiety to wash crazy.. it could be that he is too embarrased to tell you what MAKES him so afraid of germs.. what you must remember is how ever crazy his actions are how ever stupid and over the top they seem he KNOWS this too.. People with ocd know that what they feel compelled to do holds no relevence no or little relevence to what there thinking.. but we Have to do it.. and if we try to fight it and not do it, its worse..Your boyfriend has contamination issues about his family? but he dosnt about you? that in itsself is a big thing.. My main issues is obssesive thoughts but i cant tell my boyfriend any of them because because telling him might make them happen.. hes just learnt to not ask.. I hit my head (one of my compulsions unfortunetly) when he first realised he tried to stop me he'd hold my hands down so i couldnt or he'd make a fuss about it.. but now hes learnt that makes it worse and to help he just needs to leav eme alone til i get over that 'episode' you want tohelp your boyfriend the little htings are what help the most.. i understand totaly the ' just get over it' line.. he like every one of us wish we could.. Iv told Danny he deserves better more times then i can remeber.. its not because i dont want him.. I wouldnt be a functioning person if he wasnt here i love him so much.. Im just so sorry he has to live with these complications in me.. your boyfriend probley feels something simeler.. Is he on treatment? there are medications that can help and therapy too but ocd isnt curable.. and unfortunetly knowing there's help out isnt as easy as training your mind into allowing you to ask for it.. I hope you and your boyfriend can come to terms with his ocd it sounds like you love him very much.. Always feel free to ask me for advice anytime.. not that im great with the answers.. but maybe i can give you an insight were your boyfriend realy isnt able too.. good luck xx
I am on the opposite end of your conundrum. My boyfriend has OCD, he is very good about covering it up, but some things really bother him. See he is bothered by germs too, most specifically germs from his family. He won't get into too much detail, but he can't touch any of them, and therefor, neither can I. I don't know what to do sometimes, sometimes I want to just tell him to get over it, I don't want to enable him...but instead, I just let him lysol me down just as he would himself. I love him so much and I really want him to get better. Sometimes he says I deserve better and he should just live alone. Do you know how much that hurts? I wish he would explain things to me...like what exactly he thinks is going to happen if those germs get on him, or where it started from...but he won't. The other day he actually said it was because he didn't fully trust me...he thought I would tell someone. That bothers me a lot. I just want to try to understand...and moreover, make sure I don't do anything that is going to make his OCD worse.
September 01, 2006 7:59 PM
Kit said...
hi Anon i felt so utterly compelled to reply to your comment.. You being the person on the other end of the stick the one that loves an Ocd'er.. Believe me I know how hare that must be.. i know how difficult i am to live with and i know what my biyfriend puts up with to be with me..Its taken me a long time to be as honest as i have with Danny about my ocd and we have been together for 5 years now.. he didnt fully understand until i lost my nanna and the grief on top of ocd sent me to another planet! i couldnt hide my ocd from him any longer and he saw to the full outward extent what it does to me.. hes tries so hard to understand but he cant realy because i as in the case with you and your boyfriend i CANT tell him.. you see the outter effects of ocd the compulsions but on the other side of that are the thoughts that surround them.. everyones different and everyone is effected differently.. but it sounds to me like your boyfriend cant tell you what makes him NEED to stay clear of germs because telling someone could in its self cause him more stress and send his anxiety to wash crazy.. it could be that he is too embarrased to tell you what MAKES him so afraid of germs.. what you must remember is how ever crazy his actions are how ever stupid and over the top they seem he KNOWS this too.. People with ocd know that what they feel compelled to do holds no relevence no or little relevence to what there thinking.. but we Have to do it.. and if we try to fight it and not do it, its worse..Your boyfriend has contamination issues about his family? but he dosnt about you? that in itsself is a big thing.. My main issues is obssesive thoughts but i cant tell my boyfriend any of them because because telling him might make them happen.. hes just learnt to not ask.. I hit my head (one of my compulsions unfortunetly) when he first realised he tried to stop me he'd hold my hands down so i couldnt or he'd make a fuss about it.. but now hes learnt that makes it worse and to help he just needs to leav eme alone til i get over that 'episode' you want tohelp your boyfriend the little htings are what help the most.. i understand totaly the ' just get over it' line.. he like every one of us wish we could.. Iv told Danny he deserves better more times then i can remeber.. its not because i dont want him.. I wouldnt be a functioning person if he wasnt here i love him so much.. Im just so sorry he has to live with these complications in me.. your boyfriend probley feels something simeler.. Is he on treatment? there are medications that can help and therapy too but ocd isnt curable.. and unfortunetly knowing there's help out isnt as easy as training your mind into allowing you to ask for it.. I hope you and your boyfriend can come to terms with his ocd it sounds like you love him very much.. Always feel free to ask me for advice anytime.. not that im great with the answers.. but maybe i can give you an insight were your boyfriend realy isnt able too.. good luck xx
posted by .. at 12:43 PM
3 Comments:
hi.. i'm on the opposite side too.. my boyfriend is OCD. His sister told me.. I asked him once- if he is going to a doctor or not- but he denied. He keeps not telling me. and when i ask him to be honest- he says that he is honest.... his sister told me that he is better with me, i have great patience and he does not need medicine any more.. i had patience it's true, because i'm in love with him.. but i did not know that he has OCD. he should be honest to me.. i feel like an idiot. when he sleeps a lot and he is not good at physical contact with strangers, I thougt that he has some kind of depression and it's going to pass anyway.. but now, i know that he doesn't want to share his OCD with me. I know that i cannot cure him, but i wish we were closer enough to make him tell me. once he was suspicious that his sister told me the truth, she told me that it was very bad. She said he shouted at her, yelling and so so rude.. i dont want to hurt anybody, but it's been 2,5 years.. we are at 30.. what am going to do...
he does not want to tell me, why why why...
I have OCD and can really relate to these posts. I wanted to share a really helpful OCD website, http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-ocd. I hope this is helpful for all of us out there with OCD.
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