What affects me..

Obsessions..

Repeated unwelcome thoughts.. that something bad wil l happen to the people i love most in the world..

Compulsions all ruled by the above..

Having to get rid of those thoughts.. i cant think them no if i even think them then it will happen.. stop thinking stop thinking..

Fridges and freezers.. i cant see them they signify the D word.. i cant say it even trying to explain this to you so youl have to understand as best you can..

Stairs.. set me off.. which is hard because i live in a first floor flat.. takes me ages to get up the stairs.. i have to step up them go back down..up and down.. touching the basnisters and wall corners until it feels 'right'

when im tierd its worse with the stairs..

the colour red i cant use.. its hard even writing the word just then its already setting it off..

big boxes trunks also signify the D word.. i cant cope with anyhthing that signifys the D word.. even watching films ect were someone gets ill sets me off..

dustbins not because of germs.. i dont have the contamination worries.. because they also signify the D word..

things that arnt 'right' to me..

when something dosnt go as expected..

i have trouble even crossing the room.. it has to be just right everything has to feel right yet nothing does so i have to touch things smooth things.. stand up sit down stand up sit down until it feels right..

The worst compulsion in a case of the most dangerous the one that uspets me most is Hitting my self.. 'self harm' it started a few years ago.. light tapping my forehead to rid the thoughts.. its developed into full blown whacks.. my forehead is constantly visably bumpy.. my knuckels are hardend from the hitting and i have developed red permenant marks on the back on my hand which i use to hit my self.. i have constant headaches.. and sometimes when it goes realy back i hurt my hand by hitti gmy head to an extent of painful throbbing and brusiing..

i cant do anymore right now.. its too bad at the moment..