Oh i need to rant about this subject cause even danny isnt understanding were im coming from on this..
but there this holiday i have to go on.. i cant remeber if i already mentiond it so if i repeat my self forgive me.. but anyway its a 'dannys familys' holiday only up to Wales which isnt a million miles away but far enough away from my home territory to make me incredibly uncomfortable.. hell a few streets away can do that to me if im with out a phone i can readily use at anytime, now im uncertain if the cottage we'l be staying in has a phone or not but im thinking not, and im already worried there wont be signal for my mobile phone as this place is in a farley remote village..
were supposed to be traveling down in Dannys parents car which is also an issue with me (one which Danny isnt understanding and has caused all mighty rows already) but first issues with that is that is being with out instant transport home may i need it.. like if i need to leave in the night or when ever just 'incase' dannys paretns wont jump outta bed to take me.. but i know danny would so i need us to go in his car.. just so i 'know',
this holiday is gonna be the most challenging thing iv done to hit my ocd head on in along time ya know.. just on its own the fact of staying in a house with Dannys Family being faced with social situations.. with out the added 'extras' so i hve to make what i can as easy as possible.. and this is were i am realising just how much danny dosnt realise about my ocd.. its becoming clear he thinks its stops and starts at what he can 'see' ya know.. but thats not his fault.. its an imposible thing for anyone unaafected to comprehend thats what i believe anyway..
but another issue is the bed sheets and towels such a silly thing.. but dannys parents precisly booked a cottage that provided bed linen and towels to save space in the cars becuase there just wouldnt be the space to take such things.. but there again 'issue!!!!!' i told danny i would have to take my own becaus i cannot comfortably sleep in linen slept in by random other people.. wehter it be cleaned and washed or not.. and i certainly cannot use towels on my face annd such that other people coulda used in places id rather not mention!.. its not a snobbery thing.. its a hygene thing! an obsessive one yes but thats what were about isnt it!.. anyway thats also a cuase for argument at the moment danny dosnt understand my issue with it.. *sigh*..
ahwell! life is about challenge i suppose.. hmmm..
but there this holiday i have to go on.. i cant remeber if i already mentiond it so if i repeat my self forgive me.. but anyway its a 'dannys familys' holiday only up to Wales which isnt a million miles away but far enough away from my home territory to make me incredibly uncomfortable.. hell a few streets away can do that to me if im with out a phone i can readily use at anytime, now im uncertain if the cottage we'l be staying in has a phone or not but im thinking not, and im already worried there wont be signal for my mobile phone as this place is in a farley remote village..
were supposed to be traveling down in Dannys parents car which is also an issue with me (one which Danny isnt understanding and has caused all mighty rows already) but first issues with that is that is being with out instant transport home may i need it.. like if i need to leave in the night or when ever just 'incase' dannys paretns wont jump outta bed to take me.. but i know danny would so i need us to go in his car.. just so i 'know',
this holiday is gonna be the most challenging thing iv done to hit my ocd head on in along time ya know.. just on its own the fact of staying in a house with Dannys Family being faced with social situations.. with out the added 'extras' so i hve to make what i can as easy as possible.. and this is were i am realising just how much danny dosnt realise about my ocd.. its becoming clear he thinks its stops and starts at what he can 'see' ya know.. but thats not his fault.. its an imposible thing for anyone unaafected to comprehend thats what i believe anyway..
but another issue is the bed sheets and towels such a silly thing.. but dannys parents precisly booked a cottage that provided bed linen and towels to save space in the cars becuase there just wouldnt be the space to take such things.. but there again 'issue!!!!!' i told danny i would have to take my own becaus i cannot comfortably sleep in linen slept in by random other people.. wehter it be cleaned and washed or not.. and i certainly cannot use towels on my face annd such that other people coulda used in places id rather not mention!.. its not a snobbery thing.. its a hygene thing! an obsessive one yes but thats what were about isnt it!.. anyway thats also a cuase for argument at the moment danny dosnt understand my issue with it.. *sigh*..
ahwell! life is about challenge i suppose.. hmmm..
posted by Kit at 3:50 PM
11 Comments:
Hey Kit,
Sorry to hear about the stresses regarding the holiday.
I was wondering - have you told Danny that you have OCD? Or does he just know that you suffer from obsessions and compulsions, but hasn't yet linked that to the condition that is OCD?
I was thinking - would it be worth referring him to a website on OCD? So that he could read about it a bit more and realise that you're a textbook case? :) You could do the same thing for your friends.
In terms of calling a doctor - good to hear that you've got to the stage of picking the phone up, and even letting it ring a few times.
Here's the thing: I've found that anticipation of the event is pretty much always worse than the event itself. In the anticipation stage, you can think about all the things that could go wrong. But when you're actually doing the thing you're afraid of, you get to see what's really going to happen, and to deal with it at that point.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm wondering whether, if you hung on and let the phone ring until it was answered, that you'd find the experience wasn't as bad as you expected it to be.
I think it will be tough, and that you will face anxiety, but I also think that doing it will in some ways be a relief - because it'll be over and done with, and you won't be able to ruminate about it anymore.
What if Danny sat in the room with you, and didn't let you put the phone down until you'd made an appointment? It's often easier to face what you're afraid of if you've got someone else being policeman for you! It may be tough for Danny, though - he'd have to do the whole "cruel to be kind" thing... :)
I hope you do manage to talk things through with a doctor soon. By the sounds of it, you're beginnning to find what I found out - OCD has a tendency to drag you deeper and deeper. I hope soon you'll be able to get some help in fighting the bastard :)
Take care,
McReadie
That's OCD for you... wants to take things away from us. Holidays are suppose to be fun. I really hope you could enjoy it.
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Hi Kit
I have OCD, I have had it for years. I have been for cognative behavioural therapy and it has got a lot better. I got very depressed before seeking help about six years ago. I find it comes and goes in intensity and effect in my life. I think you are brave and inspirational writing this blog. I have resolved to write about my OCD having read your pages. I too have written down stuff in my blog and deleted it shortly after because I was worried about what people would think! OCD is a complete bar steward, but its very heartening to hear that I am not the only loon!! [kidding :-)]
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Hi Mc Readie..
Danny does know i have ocd.. he knows what it is he's watched a documentry on it once with me.. were he saw a lady i guese with no better way to describe it as 'spasming' ya know fighting it.. trying to push it out i dont know if you undertand that you may do..
but Danny saw and he cried actualy he was upset by what he saw.. by the realisations he was having.. because as he said that was'just like me' he cried for me.. but its gotta be so hard for anyone not inside one of these minds what realy goes on.. he's 'seen' but he dosnt fully understand.. and as i fully believe no one can or ever will that dosnt live with it..
As for Danny Being there to push me as it were ya know with the phone call and things.. that would make things a whole lot worse.. if someone is relying on me pressuring me the aniety is worse.. its too much.. ill get there.. im determind i will now.. but its gonna be a case of on my time in my way.. ya know..
but thankyou for the advice Mcreadie..
xxKit
I hope so to BB!!
Xendog..
Hello! and thankyou.. your light relief in this ocd muck!
I started writing this blog in the hope it would help me become more open about things and also help others know there not alone.. im not a great case for people to look at as hope for there fututre with ocd! but then im just working my way there hopefully one day i will be able to turn around here and say ya know there is hope.., til then i can only tell of my experiences..
I wanted to read your blog before replying here and i did read your first post.. but i wanted to read the rest too.. being as time is a scarce thing at the moment.. i clicked on today to read it but your blog is not showing on your profile anymore.. and stupidly i didnt save the link the first time.. could you please send me the link? i would be realy interested in reading the rest..
xxKit
I didnt find thing that i need... :-(
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